What's Your Handicap?

Official board of the LM/FoLM Punt, Pass & Kick Competition

What's Your Handicap?

Postby oneputtlarry on Wed Apr 18, 2012 6:40 pm

A businessman was attending a conference in Africa . He had a free day and wanted to play a round of golf and was directed to a golf course in the nearby jungle. He arrived at the course and asked the pro if he could get on. “Sure,” said the pro, “What’s your handicap?” Not wanting to admit that he had an 18 handicap, he decided to cut it a bit. “Well, it’s 16,” said the businessman, “but what’s the relevance since I’ll be playing alone?”

“It’s very important for us to know,” said the pro, who then called a caddy. “Go out with this gentleman,” said the pro, “his handicap is 16.” The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap. The caddy picked up the businessman’s bag and a large rifle. Again, the businessman was surprised, but decided to ask no questions. They arrived on the 1st hole, a par-4.

“It’s wise to avoid those trees on the left,” said the caddy. Needless to say, the businessman duck-hooked his ball into the trees. He found his ball and was about to punch it out when he heard the loud crack of the rifle and a large snake fell dead from a tree above his head. The caddy stood next to him with the rifle smoking in his hand. “That’s the Black Mamba, the most poisonous snake in all Africa . You’re lucky I was here with you.” After taking a bogey, they moved to the 2nd hole, a par-5. “Good to avoid those bushes on the right,” says the caddy. Of course, the businessman’s ball went straight into the bushes. As he went to pick up his ball, he heard the loud crack of the caddy’s rifle once again, and a huge lion fell dead at his feet. “I’ve saved your life again,” said the caddy.

The 3rd hole was a par-3 with a lake in front of the green. The businessman’s ball came up just short of the green and rolled back to the edge of the water. To take a shot, he had to stand with one foot in the lake. As he was about to swing, a large crocodile emerged from the water and grabbed his right leg. As he fell to the ground bleeding and in great pain, he saw the caddy with the rifle propped at his side, looking on unconcernedly. “Hurry up and kill the croc?” asked the man incredulously.

“I’m sorry, sir,” said the caddy. “This is the 17th handicap hole. You don’t get a shot here.”


...
"I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist." http://www.theputtingedge.com
User avatar
oneputtlarry
All Conference
All Conference
 
Posts: 1016
Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2004 3:15 pm
Location: Elk Grove, CA

Re: What's Your Handicap?

Postby Makaveli on Wed Apr 18, 2012 8:03 pm

We need an emoticon with a slight grin.

Somewhere between these two: :lol: :|
"A Hundred Times Nothing Killed the Donkey" -- Czech Proverb
User avatar
Makaveli
Consigliere
Consigliere
 
Posts: 6662
Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2003 2:47 pm


Return to The Non-Sports Sports Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron