Choosing a Lawyer

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Choosing a Lawyer

Postby oneputtlarry on Sat Apr 14, 2012 6:43 am

Deleted as per SmoothLonghorns dissatisfaction...check out the Curtain Rods joke.
Last edited by oneputtlarry on Sat Apr 14, 2012 4:35 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Choosing A Lawyer

Postby SmoothLonghorn on Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:29 pm

Larry, don't take this the wrong way, but that is a terrible lawyer joke.....I mean, piss-poor. And since your contributions are usually decent (if, albeit, completely random), do you have anything better?
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Re: Choosing A Lawyer

Postby oneputtlarry on Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:37 pm

SmoothLonghorn wrote:Larry, don't take this the wrong way, but that is a terrible lawyer joke.....I mean, piss-poor. And since your contributions are usually decent (if, albeit, completely random), do you have anything better?


Sorry, I received it yesterday via email and it just struck me funny. Nothing at all prompted me to post it, but I'll be glad to delete it.


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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby oneputtlarry on Tue Apr 17, 2012 9:40 am

I suggest that the 'Choosing a Lawyer' joke posted last week was one of the most 'tame' lawyer jokes I've ever read...IMO, calling the joke 'Pi$$ Poor' seems more offensive than the joke itself...one responder on another message board responded to the joke with:

"Well, I'm a lawyer and told the joke at lunch today. Put it back up - I thought it was pretty funny. Anybody who can't laugh at themself - especially a lawyer - has issues."

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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby Makaveli on Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:33 am

There is no such thing as a tasteless Lawyer joke. What are you saying, just that it wasn't funny?
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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby oneputtlarry on Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:04 pm

Makaveli wrote:There is no such thing as a tasteless Lawyer joke. What are you saying, just that it wasn't funny?

I posted this joke, but SmoothLongHorn called it pi$$ poor, so I deleted it...let me know if it is tasteless and should be deleted and I'll delete it again:

A businessman was trying to choose a lawyer, but was being very careful about it. He scheduled appointments to interview three lawyers.
At the first lawyer’s office, after an initial exchange of pleasantries, the businessman said, “Okay, let’s get down to business. I have an important question for you, and I want you to think carefully before answering. How much is two plus two?”
The lawyer raised his eyebrows. “two plus two is four.” The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment.
The second lawyer, who was also a CPA, seemed a bit more particular than the first lawyer. After an initial discussion, the businessman again announced that he had a very important question, and asked, “How much is two plus two?”
The second lawyer went over to a computer, and entered figures into a spreadsheet. “According to my calculations, two plus two is approximately four.” The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment.
The third lawyer sat behind a big mahogany desk, and smoked a cigar. He seemed rather self-important as compared to the other two, but at the same time appeared to be much more successful. The businessman again announced, “I would like you to answer a very important question for me, before I decide whether I should use your services. How much is two plus two?”
The lawyer pulled the shades, locked the door to his office, and asked in a hushed voice, “How much do you want it to be?”


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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby 12ozLongneck on Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:15 pm

It's not anywhere close to being tasteless. It's also not anywhere close to being funny.
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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby Makaveli on Tue Apr 17, 2012 2:22 pm

I'm sorta offended that it wasn't tasteless or funny. I'm also not going to say that ALL Lawyers are scum sucking bottom feeders. It's just that 99% of them give the rest a bad name
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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby 12ozLongneck on Tue Apr 17, 2012 3:55 pm

What's the difference between an intelligent midget and VD?

Well, the first one is a cunning runt...
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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby SmoothLonghorn on Tue Apr 17, 2012 7:16 pm

For the record, the funniest thing about this thread are the "corrections" to my "cursing" considering my political-correctness. "Well, gee--whiz" from Blazing Saddles thinks that's funny....

Back to the matter at hand, I promise you Larry, I'm the Mikey from Life Cereal commercials--I like everything and everybody. When I referred to the joke as piss-poor (and even I'm not scared to used that terminology), I wasn't trying to be offensive, I was simply trying to indicate that it really is a poor lawyer joke. Notice in my original description I used "terrible" and then "piss-poor", not offensive or otherwise.....like Makaveli pointed out, it's not tasteless, just bad. And frankly, it's a poor reflection on any attorneys that do think it is funny. No one is saying that it isn't ironic, just that it isn't that revealing about what one would already expect from a pre-existing interpretation of a characteristic (lawyer = obtuse to mathematical/financial ramifications = funny).

No need to take your ball and go home (frankly, as adults, it was insulting that you thought deleting your post was appropriate), it was just merely suggested that it wasn't the funniest lawyer joke of all time. For goodness sake, I even called most of your posts decent, which is pretty much a ringing endorsement from this crew. Trust me, the last thing you should think about your posts is that it didn't measure to a "standard"--if you feel differently, tell me/us to go f ourselves (not literally....because I'm old school) and post something else....
I have no problem with people like Smooth who know what they believe and why they believe it - even if it is different than I.--UTwiz
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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby Music City Mafia on Tue Apr 17, 2012 7:53 pm

SmoothLonghorn wrote:--if you feel differently, tell me/us to go f ourselves (not literally....because I'm old school) and post something else....


Or tell them to start their own f'ing joke thread (worked for burgers).
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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby ChuckNorrisHorn on Wed Apr 18, 2012 1:10 am

so 4puttlarry posts on here, but skips the golf threads we've had over the past cpl weeks? wtf
It was basically like starring in a bukkake video with Charlie the Tuna.


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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby oneputtlarry on Wed Apr 18, 2012 6:38 pm

SmoothLongHorn, I just misunderstood. I'll stay with golf jokes, although I do have some great lawyer jokes...
I'll also post this in our golf forum...if you think the "Choosing A Lawyer" was pi$$ poor, read this golf joke...

A businessman was attending a conference in Africa . He had a free day and wanted to play a round of golf and was directed to a golf course in the nearby jungle. He arrived at the course and asked the pro if he could get on. “Sure,” said the pro, “What’s your handicap?” Not wanting to admit that he had an 18 handicap, he decided to cut it a bit. “Well, it’s 16,” said the businessman, “but what’s the relevance since I’ll be playing alone?”

“It’s very important for us to know,” said the pro, who then called a caddy. “Go out with this gentleman,” said the pro, “his handicap is 16.” The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap. The caddy picked up the businessman’s bag and a large rifle. Again, the businessman was surprised, but decided to ask no questions. They arrived on the 1st hole, a par-4.

“It’s wise to avoid those trees on the left,” said the caddy. Needless to say, the businessman duck-hooked his ball into the trees. He found his ball and was about to punch it out when he heard the loud crack of the rifle and a large snake fell dead from a tree above his head. The caddy stood next to him with the rifle smoking in his hand. “That’s the Black Mamba, the most poisonous snake in all Africa . You’re lucky I was here with you.” After taking a bogey, they moved to the 2nd hole, a par-5. “Good to avoid those bushes on the right,” says the caddy. Of course, the businessman’s ball went straight into the bushes. As he went to pick up his ball, he heard the loud crack of the caddy’s rifle once again, and a huge lion fell dead at his feet. “I’ve saved your life again,” said the caddy.

The 3rd hole was a par-3 with a lake in front of the green. The businessman’s ball came up just short of the green and rolled back to the edge of the water. To take a shot, he had to stand with one foot in the lake. As he was about to swing, a large crocodile emerged from the water and grabbed his right leg. As he fell to the ground bleeding and in great pain, he saw the caddy with the rifle propped at his side, looking on unconcernedly. “Hurry up and kill the croc?” asked the man incredulously.

“I’m sorry, sir,” said the caddy. “This is the 17th handicap hole. You don’t get a shot here.”


...




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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby oneputtlarry on Wed Apr 18, 2012 7:13 pm

By the way, in which forum should jokes be posted?


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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Apr 18, 2012 7:45 pm

Your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby MBK271 on Wed Apr 18, 2012 7:57 pm

OnePutt... don't mind these guys, they are just having fun with you.

You pretty much set yourself up for a lot of the comments.

Still, I welcome your posts and the switching to randomn topics that they bring (though not all of your jokes are amusing).

Continue to post away my man! Don't be discouaged.

And I agree with Smooth... he's pretty much one of the nicest guys that I know.
why don't you run back to the sandbox where the rest of the kids are playing so the adults can have a discussion...it's over there....you see Howie, he's over there with PMS knocking over other kids sandcastles...looks like fun.
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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby Mr. Peabody on Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:02 pm

Larry

Rule # 1

Don't give a fuck about anyone's response to your post.

Rule # 2

Post whatever you want to.

Rule # 3

Be yourself


That is all
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Choosing a Lawyer

Postby HornMafia on Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:37 pm

Smooth is such an asshole.
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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby SmoothLonghorn on Thu Apr 19, 2012 5:07 am

Well, at least we can all agree on something....
I have no problem with people like Smooth who know what they believe and why they believe it - even if it is different than I.--UTwiz
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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby oneputtlarry on Thu Apr 19, 2012 12:18 pm

MBK271 wrote:OnePutt... don't mind these guys, they are just having fun with you.

You pretty much set yourself up for a lot of the comments.

Still, I welcome your posts and the switching to randomn topics that they bring (though not all of your jokes are amusing).

Continue to post away my man! Don't be discouaged.

And I agree with Smooth... he's pretty much one of the nicest guys that I know.


Good deal as I was about to give all your names to my cousin there in Texas, a judge, who likes lawyer jokes! :-)
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Re: Choosing a Lawyer

Postby oneputtlarry on Thu Apr 19, 2012 12:29 pm

ChuckNorrisHorn wrote:so 4puttlarry posts on here, but skips the golf threads we've had over the past cpl weeks? wtf


Okay, CNH, posted some golf stuff in the golf thread.

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