Enjoy a laugh at my expense

For people who are not cool enough to be HornMafia, so they try to act like him instead.

Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby 12ozLongneck on Sat Dec 20, 2008 4:44 pm

Public service announcement: If you ever strain a muscle near your business, think things through before you use Maximum Strength Ben Gay to alleviate the soreness if Advil isn't getting the job done. You remember the part in Revenge of the Nerds where the nerds put Icy Hot or whatever on the jock straps? That's pretty much how things went down.
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Postby MBK271 on Sat Dec 20, 2008 4:52 pm

:lol::lol::lol:



Sadly, I've performed the same mistake. I guess I should've issued a PSA.
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Postby txlonghorn47 on Sat Dec 20, 2008 5:26 pm

Yep made the same mistake at a softball tourney a couple years back.

Burns like all hell.
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Postby 'Hornbybirth on Sat Dec 20, 2008 5:29 pm

I inadvertantly got pepper spray on my junk one time.

I could have killed the meter man that sprayed my dog once I figured out that it was he that had sprayed it where I touched and then went back inside to take a piss. That is how the transfer was made.

BAD mistake!
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Postby Reinheitsgebot on Sun Dec 21, 2008 6:02 am

Vicks vapor rub has a fraction of the tingle, and will help with the inflamation

opens things up really well
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby 12ozLongneck on Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:39 am

I've gotten in the habit of taking my lunch to work every day because 1. It's cheaper 2. I tend to eat better and 3. I can be done w/ lunch in like 10 minutes and get back to working and get the f out of the office sooner.

I ran out of the deli chicken I bought, so I pull a can of tuna out of the pantry. I open the top and, as I'm trying to drain all of the liquid out of the can into the sink, disaster strikes. I'm not really sure how to describe what happened. I have the can tilted towards me and I'm holding the bottom with my hands and pushing down on the lid with my thumbs. As I push on the lid to get some of the gross tuna water out, the whole thing more or less explodes and all of this tuna sludge squirts out of the can around the sides of the lid and into my face. It was basically like starring in a bukkake video with Charlie the Tuna. I just spent 30 minutes in the shower and I still don't feel clean.

Fuck this shit. I'm just going to go to McDonald's every day and become a fucking fatass.
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby ChuckNorrisHorn on Fri Nov 13, 2009 3:06 am

the ben gay part of this thread was equally as funny partly because i just pulled my groin muscle playing softball...
It was basically like starring in a bukkake video with Charlie the Tuna.


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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby Simon Honeybone on Fri Nov 13, 2009 8:46 am

My lone issue was going to the restroom after eating some of the hottest wings on earth.

My best friend in high school talked his little brother into putting Flexall 454 on his junk for a buck ;-)
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby Drew Corleone on Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:21 am

12ozLongneck wrote:I've gotten in the habit of taking my lunch to work every day because 1. It's cheaper 2. I tend to eat better and 3. I can be done w/ lunch in like 10 minutes and get back to working and get the f out of the office sooner.

I ran out of the deli chicken I bought, so I pull a can of tuna out of the pantry. I open the top and, as I'm trying to drain all of the liquid out of the can into the sink, disaster strikes. I'm not really sure how to describe what happened. I have the can tilted towards me and I'm holding the bottom with my hands and pushing down on the lid with my thumbs. As I push on the lid to get some of the gross tuna water out, the whole thing more or less explodes and all of this tuna sludge squirts out of the can around the sides of the lid and into my face. It was basically like starring in a bukkake video with Charlie the Tuna. I just spent 30 minutes in the shower and I still don't feel clean.

Fuck this shit. I'm just going to go to McDonald's every day and become a fucking fatass.

I don;t know of anyone outside of Kevin that would ever conjure up that line. Well done, sir.
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Feb 03, 2010 11:19 pm

So I was feeling lazy when I left work and didn't go to they gym on the way home. I sit around my place and continue to be lazy until I feel sufficiently guilty about not getting any exercise today in spite of the fact that my apartment's gym is literally right under my apartment.

I go downstairs and get to work. About 10 minutes into things, I am sitting on a bench resting between sets and hear a knock on the window. What do I see when I turn around? One fat bitch and one kind of chubby bitch are fucking mooning me.

Moral of the story? Go ahead and be lazy.

Edit: I thought about whipping out my cock, but decided that being a registered sex offender would probably put my clearance in jeopardy.
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby LMQueen on Thu Feb 04, 2010 6:52 pm

:lol:

That story just made my day.
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby 12ozLongneck on Sun Feb 06, 2011 10:23 pm

I just spent 45 minutes looking for the little adapter that lets me plug my cell phone into the wall. Turns out that I had set it on a box of tissues and it fell in. I'm pretty much retarded.
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby Makaveli on Mon Feb 07, 2011 6:56 pm

I've never bought a box of tissues in my life. In fact, I don't understand why anyone would. There are paper towels and toilet paper everywhere.
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby 12ozLongneck on Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:13 pm

I don't want a roll of toilet paper or paper towels sitting on my living room table or my nightstand.
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Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby LMQueen on Mon Feb 07, 2011 10:32 pm

I keep boxes of Puffs on my nightstand, in the living room, on my desk and in my car.
With my allergies, using a paper towel would tear my nose up. I guess toilet paper works in a pinch, but not my preference.
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby 'Hornbybirth on Tue Feb 08, 2011 7:09 pm

LMQueen wrote:I keep boxes of Puffs on my nightstand, in the living room, on my desk and in my car.
With my allergies, using a paper towel would tear my nose up. I guess toilet paper works in a pinch, but not my preference.


I couldn't agree more. You can straight tear up a nose with paper towels.
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby Drew Corleone on Tue Feb 08, 2011 7:25 pm

'Hornbybirth wrote:
LMQueen wrote:I keep boxes of Puffs on my nightstand, in the living room, on my desk and in my car.
With my allergies, using a paper towel would tear my nose up. I guess toilet paper works in a pinch, but not my preference.


I couldn't agree more. You can straight tear up a nose with paper towels.


Hell, I've done it before on more than a few occasions. It sucks. Your nose gets raw and even switching back to the aloe-covered tissues doesn't help at that point. Toilet paper is awkward because you always end up pulling off too much or not enough.
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby U2-Horn on Tue Feb 08, 2011 10:12 pm

I've never bought toilet paper in my life. In fact, I don't understand why anyone would. There are leaves everywhere.
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby Makaveli on Tue Feb 08, 2011 10:45 pm

OK, fine. I'm clearly in the minority here.

Let's change the subject. I don't buy napkins either. There are papertowels everywhere. Plus if you're having something nice (about twice a year) you can just break out the cloth. And if you're feeling especially festive and/or drunk...there's always bath towels. Anybody ??
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby Makaveli on Tue Feb 08, 2011 10:48 pm

12ozLongneck wrote:I don't want a roll of toilet paper or paper towels sitting on my living room table or my nightstand.


Now that I think about it....Here's the truth, really... I don't like stuff sitting out anywhere...which would mean I'd have to hide the tissues in a place that would be harder to access than toilet paper. It's a strange compulsion, always trying to trash, donate, or hide everything...I know.
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby Bucharest on Wed Feb 09, 2011 8:37 am

Makaveli wrote:OK, fine. I'm clearly in the minority here.

Let's change the subject. I don't buy napkins either. There are papertowels everywhere. Plus if you're having something nice (about twice a year) you can just break out the cloth. And if you're feeling especially festive and/or drunk...there's always bath towels. Anybody ??


+1

I have napkins.......somewhere.......maybe, but I can't think of the last time I didn't just rip off a couple pieces of paper towel for breakfast/lunch/dinner.
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby HornMafia on Wed Feb 09, 2011 9:44 am

Yeah we don't have napkins either.
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Feb 09, 2011 10:13 am

Yeah. I've got napkins somewhere, but I usually go the paper towel route.

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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby Drew Corleone on Wed Feb 09, 2011 1:05 pm

I've never bought napkins for anything other than a group dinner/potluck/event. I go through paper towels like there's no tomorrow.
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Re: Enjoy a laugh at my expense

Postby UTwiz on Wed Feb 09, 2011 3:25 pm

hange
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