Two work random thoughts

For people who are not cool enough to be HornMafia, so they try to act like him instead.

Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Fri Nov 07, 2008 11:28 am

1. I hate people who send every email with the little red "This is important!" exclamation point on it.

2. F Secret Santa. I don't want anyone here to know enough about my life to know what to buy me and I don't want to know enough about anyone's life to know what to buy them. F off, people.
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Postby 'Hornbybirth on Fri Nov 07, 2008 2:39 pm

12oz = Grinch
"Resident Section Jackass!"

Everyone wants Texas to compromise– understandably– but what are the rest of the schools offering the Longhorns? It’s Texas with the groundbreaking network. It’s Texas with the most to lose.
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Postby Markaholic on Fri Nov 07, 2008 3:34 pm

'Hornbybirth wrote:12oz = Grinch


Obvious statement of the year award nominee!
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Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Dec 10, 2008 11:20 am

Get a load of this... There's this fat heifer at work who is angry because our company's insurance won't pay for her thumb stomach surgery. Skip ahead to yesterday when everyone participating in Secret Santa is instructed to make a list of 3 items that are $10 or less that they want. What's on Fatass's list? A gift card to McDonald's, Whataburger or Chick Fil A.
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Postby Music City Mafia on Wed Dec 10, 2008 12:16 pm

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.
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Postby 'Hornbybirth on Wed Dec 10, 2008 2:20 pm

12ozLongneck wrote:Get a load of this... There's this fat heifer at work who is angry because our company's insurance won't pay for her thumb stomach surgery. Skip ahead to yesterday when everyone participating in Secret Santa is instructed to make a list of 3 items that are $10 or less that they want. What's on Fatass's list? A gift card to McDonald's, Whataburger or Chick Fil A.


OK Kevin, I've got to agree with you. That is fucking stupid! I mean I have some extra lb's, but you don't see me complaining about not getting a surgery or somesuch.
"Resident Section Jackass!"

Everyone wants Texas to compromise– understandably– but what are the rest of the schools offering the Longhorns? It’s Texas with the groundbreaking network. It’s Texas with the most to lose.
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Postby Silverado on Wed Dec 10, 2008 4:01 pm

Buy a couple heads of lettuce.
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Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Dec 10, 2008 6:56 pm

'Hornbybirth wrote:
12ozLongneck wrote:Get a load of this... There's this fat heifer at work who is angry because our company's insurance won't pay for her thumb stomach surgery. Skip ahead to yesterday when everyone participating in Secret Santa is instructed to make a list of 3 items that are $10 or less that they want. What's on Fatass's list? A gift card to McDonald's, Whataburger or Chick Fil A.


OK Kevin, I've got to agree with you. That is fucking stupid! I mean I have some extra lb's, but you don't see me complaining about not getting a surgery or somesuch.


Exactly. I'm not exactly rocking a set of six pack abs, but I know who is to blame for that and it's not my insurance company.
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Postby UTwiz on Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:12 pm

BCS?
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Postby Simon Honeybone on Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:48 pm

12ozLongneck wrote:Exactly. I'm not exactly rocking a set of six pack abs, but I know who is to blame for that and it's not my insurance company.


It's called an ab though from time to time I call it a keg too.
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Postby Reinheitsgebot on Wed Dec 10, 2008 8:11 pm

would it not be better for the insurance to pay for the procedure?

would this not reduce the costs paid out by the insurance company over time, for other illness related to being overweight?
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Postby Music City Mafia on Thu Dec 11, 2008 10:42 am

Until she regains it all from cashing in all the fast food gift cards she hits people up for.
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Postby 12ozLongneck on Thu Dec 11, 2008 11:14 am

Reinheitsgebot wrote:would it not be better for the insurance to pay for the procedure?

would this not reduce the costs paid out by the insurance company over time, for other illness related to being overweight?


It would be even cheaper if she stopped eating fast food at least twice a day and got some exercise.
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Postby Music City Mafia on Wed Dec 17, 2008 11:26 am

Another random work thought that is season-appropriate...

Singing "Let It Snow, Let It Snow..." at home with family is cool. Singing it at work in the bathroom while trying to drop a deuce, not so much. STFU and show who #2 works for already.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Jan 07, 2009 12:26 am

At lunch time, I entered the break room to find 4 women engaged in a very earnest debate over whether or not penguins are birds and, if they are birds, whether or not they lay eggs. I further confused the issue by bringing up the biological anomaly that is the platypus and then went and ate lunch in my car.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby Drew Corleone on Wed Jan 07, 2009 8:53 am

Some day I want to go to work with Kevin and be a silent observer.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Jan 07, 2009 11:00 pm

It's actually nowhere near as bad as I make it sound. I'm in a position now where most of my day is spent working with people from outside of my department that I really like for the most part.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Wed Mar 04, 2009 1:47 am

The following proclamation issued forth from the aforementioned fat heifer today:

Prunes are my favorite snack. Sometimes I open a bag up and wind up eating almost the whole bag. Of course, I pay for it for a couple of days after that.


Ever since I heard this, I have been intermittently haunted by visions of her perched on an American Standard and testing the limits of modern plumbing by producing the kind of bowel movement that one might imagine would ultimately result from eating an entire bag of prunes. Fuck my life.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 'Hornbybirth on Wed Mar 04, 2009 10:26 am

](*,) ](*,) ](*,) ](*,) ](*,) ](*,) ](*,)
"Resident Section Jackass!"

Everyone wants Texas to compromise– understandably– but what are the rest of the schools offering the Longhorns? It’s Texas with the groundbreaking network. It’s Texas with the most to lose.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby MBK271 on Thu Mar 05, 2009 11:29 am

12ozLongneck wrote:The following proclamation issued forth from the aforementioned fat heifer today:

Prunes are my favorite snack. Sometimes I open a bag up and wind up eating almost the whole bag. Of course, I pay for it for a couple of days after that.


Ever since I heard this, I have been intermittently haunted by visions of her perched on an American Standard and testing the limits of modern plumbing by producing the kind of bowel movement that one might imagine would ultimately result from eating an entire bag of prunes. Fuck my life.


=D> =D> =D>


Funniest thing that I've read in a while.
why don't you run back to the sandbox where the rest of the kids are playing so the adults can have a discussion...it's over there....you see Howie, he's over there with PMS knocking over other kids sandcastles...looks like fun.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby Reinheitsgebot on Sat Mar 07, 2009 3:08 am

PICTURES?
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Fri Mar 13, 2009 8:42 pm

More unfortunate bathroom-related stuff that has occurred in the last two days:

1. I am taking a leak. We have three urinals. I am at the one on the far right closest to the wall. Our CFO rounds the corner, almost walks up my back, says "Whoa! You're in my spot. I almost peed on your leg" and then pats me on the shoulder. Motherfucker, do not touch me when I have my business in my hand. No. No. No. No. Never. Never. Never. Never. No. No. No.

2. I need to perform the foulest of excretions. I go to the stall farthest from the door. I enter to find a blood-covered turd about the size of a softball sitting in the toilet.

I'm wearing Depends to work from here on out.
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby ChuckNorrisHorn on Sat Mar 14, 2009 1:30 am

i need a pic of that turd...i mean why else do we have cell phone cameras
It was basically like starring in a bukkake video with Charlie the Tuna.


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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby 12ozLongneck on Mon Nov 09, 2009 9:55 pm

1. So we have this system in place where I work where people who are in some kind of jam can put in a request at the regional office and request donations of annual leave time from everybody else. Without fail, almost on a weekly basis we'll get one of these that reads something like "Sherry McUterus is requesting annual leave donations. She is expecting a child and has two small children at home. A loss of income will cause financial hardship." I am tired of them. These filthy slags need to leave me the hell alone and rack up some vacation time before the next time they get drunk and spread their legs.

2. I had a conversation with a coworker that involved the word "payee." Coworker pulled a dictionary off of their shelf and looked up "payee." Your tax dollars at work!
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Re: Two work random thoughts

Postby Bucharest on Mon Nov 09, 2009 10:20 pm

12ozLongneck wrote:Sherry McUterus


:lol:
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