Farting at a urinal?

A hit-or-miss hodgepode of hyperbolicism...

Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby eochs on Thu Oct 16, 2014 10:08 am

Questions on etiquette: you sit down to poop in a stall, the huxtable kids successfully dive into the pool, and then you notice the lack of toilet paper. Do you:

1). Pull up your pants, risking the unwiped asshole ruining your underwear and pants and stinking up the office as you walk by people's desk?

2). Wait for the bathroom to be empty, and do the quick shuffle pants down to another stall?

3). Same as 2, but with a full bathroom

4). Same as 3, but with a full bathroom and all other stalls occupied

5). Nicely ask the person in the stall next to you to pass you some tp

If you guessed 4 you would be one of my coworkers. He stood outside another stall waiting for someone to finish, pants around ankles, and I can only assume an anus that resembled Wesley snipes in its unclean state. I had walked in to the bathroom to pee, saw him standing there and saw all the urinals taken, walked out and went across the office to the other bathroom
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby LMQueen on Thu Oct 16, 2014 10:45 am

Oh my. I am horrified.
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby Makaveli on Fri Nov 14, 2014 5:05 pm

This actually happened, yesterday

I'm in-stall and silent as always. Man came in to hit urinal directly across from me. He thinks he is in there alone (I assume) and starts chanting in rhythmic mock-whisper over and over the phrase "New Jersey". That was it, over and over. Someone else enters and he abruptly stops. The rest of my visit was accompanied by very awkward silence and long wait-out before I secretly escaped. (I did wash my hands)
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby Mr. Peabody on Fri Nov 14, 2014 10:11 pm

I took a humongous crap the other day. Didn't realize what a winner it was until I took a peek. Very Big and long. A beauty. Never pinched it. It was my best. It was picture worthy, so of course I took a picture. I even named it "the big Becky!"

Why did I take a pic of it. I have a former coworker and buddy that now lives in South Carolina. He's the best farter I've ever known. I'm sure that I've mentioned him before. You want to stink up a car, office, or airplane then just be next to this guy. He's not afraid to rip off deadly silent farts and just sit back and enjoy everyone's misery.

Anyway, he sends me and some other buddies disgusting pics of his really good toilet treasures. I finally had one to send him.
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby LMQueen on Fri Nov 14, 2014 11:43 pm

Mortified. Again. I should not read updates to this thread. I am so glad girls don't do whatever is you're speaking of.
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby 12ozLongneck on Sat Nov 15, 2014 1:11 am

Mr. Peabody wrote:I took a humongous crap the other day. Didn't realize what a winner it was until I took a peek. Very Big and long. A beauty. Never pinched it. It was my best. It was picture worthy, so of course I took a picture. I even named it "the big Becky!"

Why did I take a pic of it. I have a former coworker and buddy that now lives in South Carolina. He's the best farter I've ever known. I'm sure that I've mentioned him before. You want to stink up a car, office, or airplane then just be next to this guy. He's not afraid to rip off deadly silent farts and just sit back and enjoy everyone's misery.

Anyway, he sends me and some other buddies disgusting pics of his really good toilet treasures. I finally had one to send him.


This is Pulitzer Prize winning material right here.
Last edited by 12ozLongneck on Sat Nov 15, 2014 12:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby Makaveli on Sat Nov 15, 2014 12:36 pm

That's awesome, can you post the pic here, please ?
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby eochs on Mon Nov 17, 2014 9:01 am

i have a feeling a thread of our greatest poops could be our version of the mugshot thread
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby Mr. Peabody on Mon Nov 17, 2014 6:58 pm

Image

Kinda needed something for scale LOL.


My wife had my iPhone and was talking with my dad at the time I was giving birth to "The Big Becky."

When I saw that turd (it's one long piece btw), I made her give me my iphone back and told her to call my dad back on her own iphone.

She knew what was going on. She said if I take a picture of my crap I'm going to have to leave the house tonight. Then she added that it better not show up on her photo stream.
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby 12ozLongneck on Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:16 pm

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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby HornMafia on Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:29 pm

Unsubscribe.
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby Makaveli on Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:50 pm

LMAO

I expected better, to be honest.
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby Mr. Peabody on Mon Nov 17, 2014 8:38 pm

The photo doesn't really do it justice since there is no scale to reference.

Let's just say it took my butt hole several minutes to shrink back down to size.
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby eochs on Tue Nov 18, 2014 8:34 am

Why is it shaped like ebola?
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby eochs on Tue Nov 18, 2014 8:35 am

Mr. Peabody wrote:Image


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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby dahorns on Tue Nov 18, 2014 8:58 am

holy crap
TMI

(pun intended)
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby Makaveli on Tue Nov 18, 2014 1:16 pm

Haha. He should self-quarantine. At minimum needs to get... Evaluated
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby LMQueen on Mon Dec 01, 2014 9:09 pm

Here is Jackson's contribution to this thread. Matt isn't home and I was gagging the whole time. Most disgusting thing I've ever had to clean up.

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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby 12ozLongneck on Mon Dec 01, 2014 9:41 pm

Goddammit. I forgot that I made a mental note never to open this thread ever again.
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby Mr. Peabody on Mon Dec 01, 2014 9:46 pm

OMG

That is disgusting!

We have a winner!

I'll have to do better to beat little Jackson.

A turd in the bathtub trumps a 3 foot unbroken turd in the toilet everytime.

Thanks for sharing LOL.
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby Silverado on Tue Dec 02, 2014 12:16 am

Attawaytopoop
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby McKinneyHorn on Wed Dec 03, 2014 9:04 pm

My Jackson did the same thing when he was a toddler. Except my wife did throw up after gagging too much. I laughed and gave him a hi five. Didn't go over well with the wife. Now he's 16 and left a damn turd in the toilet as long as my leg the other day. Flush the the damn toilet son...Good times!
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby 12ozLongneck on Tue Feb 09, 2016 12:09 pm

Someone else came into the restroom while I was dropping ass, entered another stall and proceeded to play the stream from some San Antonio country station over the speaker on his phone. After being subjected to "Friends In Low Places" and half of "Proud To Be An American" I responded to what I believed to be an unacceptable act of bathroom hostility by dialing up Reign In Blood by Slayer on Spotify and playing it full blast and that cocksucker didn't get a courtesy flush either. Excessive reaction or acceptable?
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby txlonghorn47 on Tue Feb 09, 2016 1:04 pm

Totally acceptable. Don't bring your tunes into a public restroom or just use headphones.

Having said that I needed to take care of business the other day but didn't want to miss the upcoming Mussers segment. I didn't have my headphones here. So I decide to use the "family restroom" AKA the private suite. Go in enjoy the Mussers segment take care of business. Wash hands exit facility. Hot ass nurse from down the hall is standing there waiting to enter. Moral of the story. I will be remembering my headphones from now on.
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Re: Farting at a urinal?

Postby LMQueen on Tue Feb 09, 2016 4:40 pm

Ha!


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